When the news arrived on Tuesday evening that Donald Trump had won the Indiana primary while Ted Cruz dropped from the race, somewhere in America, a passed out Sarah Palin awoke with a start, sensing a change deep in the Republican force.
In that moment, Palin sprang into action. She sucked on a breath mint to hide her Natty Light-tainted breath, smoothing her bangs and her trendy jacket/skirt combo, and readied herself for the Facebook video which would bring all of America to its knees.
Palin told the Republican party, as its newfound symbol of leadership, that any further resistance would be futile. She told the party which she helped to destroy that it was past time for them to gather the tattered scraps of their future in politics and rally around a complete psychopath.
“Time to unite!” the video triumphantly declared.
And Palin? Well, she would be right there the whole time as the personal escort for the scores of Republican elite being ushered into the pits of Hell. On this long march, each establishment elite would declare that they will support, but not endorse, Donald Trump. As if this tiny acquiescence mattered one iota to their political souls.
“We’ve needed a revolution and we’ve found a revolutionary!” Palin quipped with the fires of eternity in her eyes.
Feast your eyes, America. This is the future you have chosen.