At least we aren’t Toronto. The world got its first taste of crack-piping, hard-drinking, assembly-disrupting mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. One would think that he’s the odd man out in the upcoming mayoral elections in Toronto, right? Wrong. There are 21 candidates for Toronto’s highest office, and they run the gamut from weird and quirky to all-around bad person.
Vice has been keeping up with Toronto’s mayoral race, which is sure to become a sideshow. First up, is a man that has only really been identified as “a man named Al Gore.” Much specuation has been drawn concerning the candidate sharing the same name as the former U.S. vice president. Odd, yes. But not too outlandish.
This next candidate could actually stand to get a lot of votes. His name is Matt Mernagh. He doesn’t have a lot of political background, which isn’t stopping a number of the other candidates, but to Mernagh’s credit, he came very close to getting marijuana legalized in all of Canada. So, he’s got that going for him, which is nice.
Don Andrews is a candidate that has no chance at all of winning. Andrews is a white racist who leads the Nationalist Party of Canada. He said of himself that “I’m a racist, I’m a white racist, I’m a white nationalist, and I’m just a man.” Not much more can be said about this guy. He’s already lost this thing. He’s the all-around bad person.
Enter newcomer Nikki Benz. If the name sounds a little kitschy and made up, that’s because it is. Reason being is that Benz is a porn star, and she seems to have a knack for advertising and campaigning. Stereotypes aside, Benz, despite having an unconventional occupation, seems like she stands a fighting chance in the race. Having owned and operated her own business since 2005, and with a campaign slogan of “Trade in Your Ford for a Benz,” she feels like a real contender.
Of the apparent misfits, Benz seems the most promising, especially going up against dread-headed candidates whose campaign logo is a hair-centric, silhouetted side profile against a red background.
Canada politics are a unique thing. It’s wild and cooky and crazy and makes American politicians look like players a nursing home bingo game.
Canada, shine on you crazy diamond.